Breaking Free From Manipulation, Control & Abuse

We all have gotten those red flags. Those little feelings that something just doesn’t fit right on a specific level. Someone says something. Someone does something, however small. Yet we shrug it off. We let someone yell at a dog. We let someone punch the air in front of our faces. Then as time goes on, those things begin to build up to a point that you cannot shrug them off any longer. You feel embarrassed you just got drunk-slapped in front of your friends. You feel humiliated because of the scene that was made at your best friend’s wedding. You feel vengeful after the thrown lit cigarette in the face. You cannot stomach the thought of what will happen next.  Sometimes, you are seriously blinded and dis-empowered, and others in your life start to notice and try to warn you.

You would think that I would know better.  I am bright, have plans for a future, and have not only heard plenty of stories about abuse from friends and family, but have lived it as a child.  But I also suffer from periods of depression, low self esteem, and consider myself a loving spiritual person. All of which make me a perfect target for abusers and developing emotionally abusive relationships. I may have a history and know what it looks and smells like a mile away in other relationships, but it always takes me a while to recognize abuse in my own personal relationships (and to allow myself to see it for what it is).

This is probably because #1. I would never allow myself to become the victim ever again. #2. I can be pretty forgiving. #3. I always try to see the best in people #4. Believe fervently that everyone has flaws (and we all do) #5. Tend to not always listen to my own advice.

Does this sound familiar?

It doesn’t matter how attractive you are, how smart you are, or even how old you are.  It does not matter what gender you are, what religion you have. It does not matter what your sexuality is. Women and men of all ages, socio-economic backgrounds, and walks of life can find themselves a victim of abuse.

Based on the U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics in June 2013, the estimated number of domestic violence incidents (REPORTED) was 960,000 and the number of children who witness domestic violence annually was upwards of 6 Million.

Think of all of the incidents that go unreported.

Think of also how high the number would go if more men reported if there wasn’t societal stigma.

Now, that is just physical domestic violence. What about other forms of abuse: neglect, mistreatment, psychological, and sexual? The numbers would blow our minds.

To clarify: I define abuse as follows:

Abuse (NOUN): any single act or pattern of violent and coercive behavior used to maintain power and control over a person, animal, or other living organism by inflicting dominance, humiliation, isolation, intimidation, blame, pain, fear, or harm while minimizing and denying the said act occurred.

This may include one or more of the following: physical hitting, choking, slapping, pushing, verbal/texting bullying, derogatory name calling, mind games, degradation, humiliation, manipulation, neglect, isolation, sexual assault, or act of utilizing animate/inanimate objects as weapons with malicious intent.

Do you feel you are in a bad relationship? So how do you know the warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship?  A non-profit resource called the Help Guide provides a list of potential signs which may be found here. Check out the following warning signs below from Health Central that you may be in an abusive relationship. One major point to make that stands to reason is:

if your boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or spouse is emotionally abusive, then it might not be long before they become physically abusive.  This is how abuse generally evolves.  And this is exactly what happened to me in a previous relationship.  Here are some of the signs to look for:

1.  Isolates you from friends and family:  If someone truly cares for you, they understand that you have a life outside of them which includes friends and family.  They want you to spend time with others because it is mentally healthy and good for you.  The emotionally abusive spouse or significant other wants you all to themselves and will make efforts to do just that.  My boyfriend didn’t want me spending time with my family and he especially didn’t want me hanging out with friends.  He would insult my friends whenever they came over or would sulk if I spent any time with them.  It became a situation where I had to sneak out to see friends.  I began to feel like a criminal for doing normal things.

2.  Is verbally abusive: If someone is calling you derogatory names and then says that they are just joking, this is no joke.  They mean to hurt you and keep you in line.  One way to get away with it is for the abuser to blame you, saying that you need to lighten up or that you are too sensitive.  You are not too sensitive; you are feeling in your gut that this is not the way you should be treated.  But abusers have a way of making you think that this is normal behavior and that it is you who has the problem.  I was called every swear word in the book and sadly came to expect it.

3.  Blames others for his problems: Nothing is their fault.  If he/she throws a tantrum to get his way, you provoked it.  If he/she attacks you verbally, it was because of something you did.  Everything has a reason and none of these reasons include them being responsible for themself.

4.  Alcohol and drug use:  All abusers do not use drugs or alcohol but a lot do.  My boyfriend was addicted to drugs and his behavior was highly erratic because of it.  I never knew what to expect from him from one day to the next because of his addiction.

5.  Does things to instill fear:  In addition to my boyfriend’s involvement with drugs, he was also into collecting fire arms.  He would show them to me and make it known that he wasn’t afraid to use them.  Once he became enraged with me and drove me to a bad part of town at night and told me to get out of the car.  I stood there not knowing if he would come back.  After about a half an hour of driving around and watching my fear he opened the car door and laughingly told me to get back in.  If you feel fear around your significant other or spouse then there is something very wrong.

6.  Punishes you for spending time away:  This goes along with the isolation technique but should you actually go off and spend time away, he/she will make you pay for it.  One day I went with my boyfriend to an amusement park and brought along my best female friend.  He was not happy and let me know it.  My friend stuck up for me when my boyfriend ordered me to ride only the rides he liked.  She pretty much told him that she and I were going to ride something I liked.  He sulked and was quiet the rest of the day but when my friend went home then he became enraged and wouldn’t let me out of the car until he had called me every name in the book.

7.  Expects you to wait on them like a servant:  The abusive man or woman goes through life feeling entitled to be treated like a king.  And he or she wants you as thier willing servant.  I was holding down two jobs and going to college yet my boyfriend expected me to do everything for him and with no help.  We didn’t have a washer and dryer in our apartment so I had to go to the laundromat which was more than several blocks away.  I took our clothes in a cart most people would use for groceries.  Despite the fact that he had a car, he wouldn’t drive me this short distance.  And then, you guessed it, he would criticize the way I did his laundry.

8.  Is extremely jealous of all aspects of your life:  One of the major traits of someone who is abusive is their jealousy.  This not only involves being jealous of other people, but being jealous of your dreams and aspirations.  One day when I was studying for an exam for college, I told my boyfriend I didn’t have time to wait on him.  Infuriated, he grabbed my books and threw them out of our third floor window.  It doesn’t even have to be another person to provoke their jealousy.  Your goals in life can fill an abuser with rage if it takes away their control over you.

9.  Controls you through emotions:  An abuser is a grand manipulator.  They will sulk, threaten to leave, and emotionally punish you for not going along with their idea of how things should be.  An abuser will try to make you feel guilty any time you exert your will and assertiveness of what is right for you.  At times they will appear to be sorry and loving when you declare that you have had enough. You might see pleading and even tears as well as proclamations that they will change.  This “remorse” doesn’t last long though and when they feel secure that they have you back, the abuse begins again.

10.  They get physical: If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, there is a good chance that eventually things may get physical.  It may start off with things that you may brush off as not “really” being physical abuse like pulling your hair, pushing or shoving you, or grabbing you so hard that you bruise.  These are the warning signs that things can easily escalate.  If your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse has an explosive temper and you have seen them react with violence before, as in breaking things, punching holes in the wall, getting into altercations with others then it is only a matter of time before it is your body he is hitting.

How can you turn this around? Dump the creep!

I know it can be hard. I know it can be scary. You may feel that as a result of this relationship that you have no one else to turn to. BUT YOU DO. There will always be friends/family who will understand because they too have experienced it. If you are completely with out this resource, there are incredible resources in your community. That is what the police and hotlines are for.

“… you don’t have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once, if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future.” ― Jane Green, Bookends

Make and take the necessary steps towards your safety and health! Because yes, you may be a spiritual person, but that does not make you a door mat.

“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” ― Michael J. Fox

This does not mean you have to shut yourself off from love for fear of repeating the same mistakes.

“Yes, I will love again. And, yes, I will always love you. But just know with every time I think of you, I will also remember the tears I have cried. My heart may be broken, but its seeds are worth saving. And its next blooming, oh its next blooming, will be the Universe of Universes for all to smell.” ― From Me to You

One of the first things that happens when you finally “get rid of the creep,” whether male or female, is that you reclaim your personal power.

Your own autonomy. Your own sovereignty. Your own spirit.

All of which make it excellent to focus on you and what you can do to make your Self happy and loved! Sandy Seeber has a wonderful post on her blog Core and Vision.

I believe in You. You have the courage.

Need some more advice?

Check out these two videos with Teal Scott, who founded Teal Eye LLC, an umbrella company that enables ideas, goals and ventures aimed at positive world change. In the years to come, Teal Eye LLC will encompass programs, centers, companies and products in the areas of justice reform, education, end of life care, self help, healing, parenting, integrative medicine, food industry reform and spirituality (to name a few). It is the intention of Teal Scott, The Spiritual Catalyst, to inspire others to explore the incorporeal, eternal nature of their true selves, knowing that this type of exploration will enable an individual to become the conscious leader and creator of their own life.

10 Tips For A Successful Relationship by Teal Scott

1. Cultivate unconditional love instead of attachment.
2. Cultivate love for yourself.
3. Work to discover and release your fears relative to relationships.
4. Communicate completely.
5. Stay on the same page. What do you want? What do you need? Do your changeable desires align or go in opposite directions?
6. Do not get specific about who you want to be in a relationship with.
7. Start to recognize and begin to heal your love reincarnation.
8. Work to change the decisions that you have made based on experiences that you’ve had as well as those actions that those decisions cause you to carry out.
9. Ask for what you want and need.
10. Feed people love every single day by feeding them the three A’s: Attention, Affection, and Appreciation (via The Love Language of Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Quality Time or Gifts)

Connecting to Elementals: Water Spirits

In November 2013, I discussed connecting to Earth spirits in a series of articles.

Now, in the season of Winter, we move onward to meet Water spirits. Connecting with Water reminds us of both the world’s and our own incredible and universal creative and destructive powers.

Throughout many ancient, and even scientific, stories, the origins of life have sprang from water.

Water is a source of both life and death. From amniotic fluids of the prenatal experience to the nourishment it provides throughout life, it is essential to our existence. It is a primary element within the human body that courses through our veins.

It only seems fitting that there are also stories of the passage and death by crossing different bodies of water. From childhood we all have heard of the great flood stories in our past from the last ice age melt, and even in current times of powerful tsunamis and floods that destroy thousands of lives. Yet, water, on the other side of the coin, is also purifying.

Water has rhythm and movement. It represents time and change. Crossing a body of water is often seen as a change in consciousness and even an initiation.

That is just what I have done this New Year as I snowshoed over a frozen lake: a shamanic initiation.

So many others have done the same in similar and different ways. Making pilgrimages across seas, crossing bridges over rivers, or simply swimming across ponds. There is this sense of attainment that comes from such sacred journeys. The quest. The thrill of the next adventure.

Another type of initiation associated with water is a baptism or naming ceremony. A true ritual baptism in water that I speak of, however, is not the same as the Christianized version.

Originally, baptisms, before they were called baptisms, were sacred ceremonies that marked rites of passage. Sacred baths symbolized a washing away of the past, a purification of sorts, and balanced a person’s etheric field. This is why we feel so good when we take baths or showers when we feel depressed or “dirty” (whether or not we are physically soiled). Water neutralizes our inner and outer bodies physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, environmentally and spiritually. And for all its power, water is rightly considered sacred to so many who cherish its nature.

In ancient times, all the waters of life were considered mysterious. The great oceans and seas were older than anyone knew. They always changed, and yet they were always the same. Civilizations could come and go, but the great seas were always there. From the oceans and the great seas we get life-sustaining foods, and yet many people have lost their lives in its depths. Water is always shifting, with no beginning and no end.

In ancient times, the magic of water had no bounds. It could estrange you from that which made you human, or it could bestow wisdom and spiritual sight. It could cure diseases, and it could even restore youth.

In the Celtic tradition there is the Well of the World that could restore life to dead men. In the Arthurian sagas, the Lady of the lake gave Arthur the sword Excalibur. In ancient times, man had a much more powerful connection to water. We build cities and ports on the seashores. We depended upon the seas to carry goods, foods, and livestock across massive distances and to trade with other villages. We blessed our ships for safe journeys, and spoke to it as if the waves were messages in return. For some still, they carry this tradition.

These water energies, these fantastic creatures of the rivers, oceans, and lakes can be called many names. Some are called nymphs, mermaids, mermen, fae, sprites, undines, or even monsters of the Loch Ness. But all of these names that come with images and conceptions should not be confused with our usual idea of what they truly look like. Books, movies, and television only seems to cloud our vision and influence our naïve eyes. Their forms and shapes change and vary, but all could be considered fluid in nature and can still be found wherever there is water.

They can be seen flowing from waterfalls, riding the waves in the oceans or even on the backs of other sea creatures. Many a fishermen have stories to tell. Water elementals can be seen dancing on the water’s surface, or along the bay and shore. On beaches, near springs, fountains, and pools. They even kiss you as the mist from a rain shower hits your face.

They are that unique feeling you get when you place your feet in the sea. They are that feeling when you hike towards a waterfall, feel the spray on your face, disrobe and jump over the falls into the grotto. They are that inescapable feeling you get when you find an ancient spring or simply the energy you feel when you hold a glass of water in your hand. There are countless dimensions of intelligence working holistically together to create this reality.

Just because you cannot always see them, does not mean that they do not exist. By opening up to the real, rational, logical and incredible possibility that these beings or if you feel better, these energies, exist; then your heart, mind, and spirit will be open to untold mystery, magic, and connection. Just like the force that keeps our atoms together, just as gravity keeps us from floating away, just as the sight of a waterfall inspires calm, just as the sun’s energy nourishes all life on earth, so too do the elementals. Call them what you like: forces of physics, angels, faeries, or pure energy forms; they exist all around us.

These “undine” energies work and maintain the emotional structure of earth on their own levels of consciousness. They help create the liquid things, the lakes, rivers, and seas. They guard the treasures of the earth, and work with humans primarily through nature. They give each drop of water, every snowflake, its own individuality- its own energy. They do this with every aspect of nature, thus every spring, waterfall, pond, and stream has something to teach us.

They also work to maintain our physical bodies, our blood and other body fluids, etc. Without these energies we would not function in the physical realm. They help us become aware of our intuitive senses and develop a reliance on them. Too little connection with our personal undine and other water elementals may make us feel “dried out” and rigid. Too much connection with them will cause us to be too emotional and oversensitive. By attuning to our personal undine and its energies more directly, we can develop intuition and creative imagination. We can learn to use our emotional forces more appropriately and open to healing and the development of our psychic natures. All water spirits can teach us about our inner feelings.

Nature spirits of the water include beings other than just the Undine elementals. They include pool and river elves, spring and well faeries,  who inhabit brooks, harbours, glaciers and all of those of the faerie realm who live close to water. This includes nixies of Germany; the berehynia of the Ukraine, the sirens, naiads, crinaeae, limnades, pegawae, and nereids of Greece, the camenae of Rome, the Water Indians by Native Americans, the selkies of the Shetland Islands and Iceland, the kelpies of Scotland, the morgens of Breton, the kappa and hyosube of Japan, the ahuizotl of the Aztecs, the adaro of the Solomon Islands, the  jengu of Cameroon, the mami wata throughout Africa, the phi phraya and phi thale of Thailand.

Stories vary but in spite of contradictions, there are certain qualities that are universally attributed to Water Spirits by Ted Andrews:

1. Beauty is their key note. This beauty is often reflected through “feminine” forms. This does not mean that there are no male water spirits, as there are mermen and such. Water, though, is so universally and archetypically feminine, that this may be the most ideal or easiest form for them to appear to humans [who look at life in a dualistic way. However, if you are a human who sees things, such as myself, in terms outside of gender then a water spirit may feel it is more appropriate to show itself truly. Energies are energies, and usually outside of form. To me, whether a nature spirit has breasts or a penis is beside the point. Plus, there are more than just two genders Westerners…]
2. They tend to communicate through our emotions.
3. They are generally sweet and gentle. There have been many stories of beautiful water nymphs and mermaids who seduce and lead men to their doom or death. [Whether or not this was because they foretold the travesties that man-kind has committed in the name of progress and money who is to say? Perhaps this is why we seldom hear stories of male water spirits. How many vessels of women looking for a new world to exploit have you read about? Perhaps they appeared in female form to only appeal to the longings of heterosexual captains and mates. Theories are endless.] Although many of these tales are superstitious, often they are symbolic of the change occurring within the mind and consciousness of one who encounters such a wondrous realm. The person is never the same again, and to many it may seem as if they have lost their souls or died. Such accounts may reflect that for the first time in a person’s life they caught a true glimpse of their souls. There are many psychologically and spiritual interpretations for these associations with doom and death.
4. A fluidness is very characteristic of most. Water spirits can present themselves in the most enticing, seductive, and appealing forms. They can also take the form of sea creatures like seals, dolphins, turtles, etc. Many shore creatures share their magic and protection with the water spirits and also serve as a bridge to humans such as turtles, fish, lizards, frogs, otters, cranes, gulls etc.
5. Water faeries are generally and genuinely fond of humans, although they are hesitant to reveal themselves.
6. They have a special love of flowers and plants. An ideal way to invite their presence is by gently tossing flower blossoms onto the surface of a body of water or leaving bouquets at the edge of a water source is always a good gesture.
7. They belong to or are generally confined to their water source. They do have some freedom and can leave it for varied lengths of time, but they must almost always return to their home and source.
8. They have a great love for music, and they are often very beautiful singers.
9. They can bestow magical gifts and treasures, including healing and protection. They are skilled in enchantment.
10. They inspire love, inspiration, creative imagination, intuition, and clairvoyance.

These “nymphs” and “sprites” often take on the customs and appearances of their locale when in human form, which makes sense since their tales are not specific of one single area on earth, but throughout the world. The purity of water falls under their domain since they are Gaia’s guardian spirits. They resent not being asked when “humans want to make changes in an environment, and in their anger may exact some tough lessons on the humans involved.”

These beings and spirits of nature, no matter where they manifest, are crucial to the evolution of humanity.

They maintain the earth’s waters and everything within it so that we have a place to grow and evolve. They are here to assist us in our initiation into the water element.

Remember, all water is connected and this implies relationship. Those of this realm are rarely solitary beings, and unless they know you and are very comfortable with you, you will rarely encounter them alone. There is always at least one being who serves as the guardian to the water source. Sometimes a whole group may work together, which is not unusual to find.

Water has been the most traveled route into the faerie realm. Water links us to the astral dimension where these beings operate more actively, although they are quite capable of moving from that realm to the physical, and back again. The borderlands to the various water sources are where encounters with those of this realm is most accessible. The edges of these territories are considered unsafe. The points where land meets water are intersections of worlds, doorways by which those of the water realm can enter the physical. Islands, beaches, lakeshores, riverbanks, and the edges of wells are magical points where the mortal world intersects with the faerie realm. It was considered foolhardy to sleep or rest near brooks and the edges of streams because you could fall under an enchantment. [I find that these areas make me feel more connected and have spent the night several times at these locations. My dreams have always been interesting to say the least.]

Anything on earth implies form, shape, weight, and a material substance. The initiation of the water spirits involves learning how to free ourselves from those limitations. It implies learning all that we can about controlling our emotional and our finer bodies of energy.

They can teach us that life’s unstructurable moments are also a part of the overall structure of the universe. They also teach us to be practical healers in life. To allow things to flow properly and in balance. They teach us to place people before money. They teach us self-love and respect; the proper expression of emotions, and how the power of living wholeheartedly can be a dynamic force in the universe.

There are countless benefits to learning to connect with the spirits of the Earth.

1. We develop our psychic nature through contact with water spirits.
2. We learn to be more nurturing.
3. They show us how to develop greater resourcefulness.
4. They teach us about healing.
5. They help us overcome fears of confinement.
6. They assist us in developing flexibility.
7. They stimulate our romantic nature.
8. They awaken compassion and sensitivity.
9. They stimulate artistic inspiration.
10. They help us to deal with exaggerated emotions.
11. They help us develop greater sensuality.
12. They awaken the creative imagination.

So, get out there! Discover! Touch a lake’s spirit, and see if you can feel what I have written about here today. Whether that means going out for a stroll in the snow, walking along the beach, diving in the local hot spring, visiting a sacred well or grotto.

Have fun and may your adventure be  a safe one!

If you are nervous and would like a guided meditation, I will be posting one soon by Ted Andrews. Good luck! And have fun! See what you can discover on your own first!

Namaste

RELATED POSTS

Connecting to Earth Spirits

Connecting to Elementals: Discovering Earth Spirits through Myth

Connecting to Elementals: Discovering Earth Spirits through Faerie Tale Meditation

Connecting to Elementals: “King” of the Earth Spirits Meditation

REFERENCE

Photos courtesy of Saad Faruque, dicktay2000, bcymet, Graham Cook, Mathias Wennergren, airdiogo, mcdlttx,
Enchantment of the Faerie Realm: Communicate with Nature Spirits and Elementals by Ted Andrews

Mythos Mystique Meditation

Connecting to Elementals: Discovering Earth Spirits through Faerie Tale Meditation

Earlier, I posted about the incredible mental connection we have with Earth Elementals through Myth. I would also suggest you read more about our physical connection as well. 

We connect physically when we place our hands on a tree. We connect by walking into the woods for a hike, or find an ancient stone structure, be that a glacial boulder or crystal cave. We even connect to this earth energy by simply holding a crystal in your hand, or walking barefooted through the grass.

We connect mentally when we begin to read and talk about the myths of the past. By doing so, we can create our own myths in the present, and relate them to our present day and modern society.

Today, I will discuss how to experience this type of energy mentally through myth, faerie tale, and guided imagery via meditation. 

In his book, “Enchantment of the Faerie Realm: Communicate with Nature Spirits & Elementals,” Ted Andrews details these three ways.

By researching and connecting to stories already told throughout history (herstory), and by imagining ourselves within those stories, we will be able to get a better sense of this type of earthy energy.

You will also be able to relate it to that of your own experience.

Because after all, the only way to actually experience the Earth Elemental energies is to experience them for yourself in a safe and healing way.

So without further ado, here is the second exercise in researching nature spirits in faerie tales.

Exercise Two: Attuning to Earth Spirits Through Faerie Tales

There are a variety of folk and faerie tales that provide great insight into the character and personality of the may kinds of nature spirits, faeries, and elves that are associated with the element of earth. These stories can provide clues as to how to approach and work with them.

Reading what has been written about them in story, song, and poetry is a means of letting them know you are interested. It opens the doors to allow them to enter more easily.

One of the most dynamic ways of opening to the nature spirits of the earth is by using the tales as a form of meditation. This may seem like a form of fanciful daydreaming, but when applied in the appropriate manner, it becomes a force that opens doors to this realm. We are simply using the tales as a means for developing a relationship with the faeries, elves, and beings of the earth realm. We are building bridges between the outer world of humans and the inner world of faeries. The following folk and faerie tales are effective to use in meditation to open contact with those elves, faeries and nature spirits associated with the element of earth.

• “The Fall of the Earth Giants.” (Mexican)
• “The Tale of Demeter and Persephone.” (Greek)
• “The Separation of Earth and Sky.” (Maori)
• “Tales of Ali Baba.” (Arabian)
• The Three Languages. (German)
• “Snake Magic.” (Swahili)
• “The Man Who Learned the Languages of Animals.” (Ghanaian)
• “Rumpelstiltskin.” (German)
• “Iubdan, King of Leprechauns.” (Irish)
• “Snow White and Rose Red.” (German)
• “A Tale of Tontlawald.” (Swedish)
• “The Necklace of Brisings.” (Scandinavian)
• “Rip Van Winkle.” (United States)
• “Loki and the Treasures of the Gods.” (Norwegian)
• “The Tale of Thomas the Rhymer and the Faerie Queen.” (British)
• “Rubezahl Tales.” (German)
• “The Tale of Orfeo and the Elf Lord.” (Greek)
• “Tale of Tam Lin.” (British)
• “British Tales of Robin Goodfellow.” (British)
• A Midsummer Night’s Dream (British)

The list could go on. I see however that unfortunately, Ted only gives tales from the “Old World” lands of Europe.

This is unfortunate because I would love to add a list of Asianic, Oceania, African, and Native American tales from both North and South America. If you have a suggestion that ties in with the Earth Elementals, comment below and I will add it after I review. Keep in mind I will be doing three more of these meditations one for each corresponding element of air, water, and fire. So for this post, think Earthy elemental stories and tales.

The process for using these or any other tales to open to the faerie realm is simple.

1. This exercise is most effective when performed outside, around things of the earth (rocks, trees, grass, etc.). A place where you can put your feet in the mud or feel the earth in some way with your hands or feet will make this exercise even more effective.
2. Find a time when you will be undisturbed, and reread the story to familiarize yourself with it. (You may remember it differently as a child, so as an adult it will be interesting to compare the two.)
3. Now close your eyes and relax. Feel yourself connected to the earth.l Place your hands on the ground and feel the earth. Notice the texture, the depth, the strength. Imagine you can feel a slow deep pulse rising from the heart of the planet. As you do this, know you are grounded and protected.

1. With your eyes closed, visualize in your mind that you are standing within a circle o f ancient oak trees. Their massive branches and trunks dwarf you. Their bark is twisted and gnarled like the skin of some ancient, giant entity. The upper portions of the roots are exposed, but you know they must extend down into the heart of the earth itself.As you stand beneath them, looking up, they seem to extend forever. You are amazed that trees could be this large. It is as if they form a wall against everything in the outside world. It is as if this inner circle is a point of separation. As you look about you at the giant trees, you are filled with wonder. If ever trees could house gnomes and elves, these surely could.As you turn slowly around, taking in the sight of the trees, you notice a soft mist forming on the ground. You watch, smiling. It is as if it almost tickles as it forms. Soon the grass is hidden from view, along with the base of those mighty oaks. In a few short moments, the mist closes around you. you are surprised. It seems to have a sweet fragrance, and it leaves a taste of honey upon the lips.

   

   You stand still, watching it swirl around you, and then it begins to descend. As it breaks and dissipates, you find that the scenery has changed. You are no longer in that glen in the midst of that circle of oak trees.

2. At this point you must visualize as the main character in the faerie tale you have chosen. See yourself stepping into the story line and going through all the activities within the story. imagine yourself interacting with the people, the faeries, elves, and other beings that may be in it.
3. You have entered into the tale itself. You do not have to hold strictly to the story line. Allow for your own creative input. Adjust the story line if it feels right to do so. Use your creative imagination. There is no right or wrong adjustment. If you do not wish to change the story line in any way, then don’t. It is important that you be comfortable in this visualization.
4. At the end of the story, visualize the mist rising up and surrounding you again. Then, as it dissipates, see yourself back within that glen amidst the circle of trees. Understand that this is a shadow land – a place where th ehuman world and the faerie realm intersect. Know that each time you encounter such intersections, even if only in a meditation, you will strengthen the bridge between you and the faerie realm.
5. Take a slow, deep breath, and allow the scene to fade before you. The trees disappear and you feel yourself sitting on that spot in nature where you first began your meditation. Still keeping your eyes closed, feel the earth again with your hands. Can you feel its pulse now? Does it feel any different than before? Do you notice any fragrances that were not apparent before?
   
6. Now slowly open your eyes and gaze softly about you. Are there moving shadows? Any glowing spots upon or close to the ground? If there are bushes or trees nearby, can you see any faces within them?Don’t worry that you may be imagining it. Remember, “imaginary” is not synonymous with “unreal.” We could not imagine something unless there were some basis for it on some level of reality. Give thanks to the element of earth and those beings working with it for sharing with you. Remember, courtesy operates in all dimensions.

Namaste

Photos courtesy of: Alpha Coders, Tobias Mastgrave, The Shakespeare Blog, Mandala Nomadess, Ten Thousand Trees, Valparai, and Mission Gallery Art.  

Connecting to Elementals: Discovering Earth Spirits through Myth

Yesterday, I posted about the incredible physical connection we have with Earth Elementals.

We connect physically when we place our hands on a tree. We connect by walking into the woods for a hike, or find an ancient stone structure, be that a glacial boulder or crystal cave. We even connect to this earth energy by simply holding a crystal in your hand, or walking barefooted through the grass.

Today, I will discuss how to experience this type of energy mentally through myth, faerie tale, and guided imagery via meditation. 

In his book, “Enchantment of the Faerie Realm: Communicate with Nature Spirits & Elementals,” Ted Andrews details these three ways.

By researching and connecting to stories already told throughout history (herstory), and by imagining ourselves within those stories, we will be able to get a better sense of this type of earthy energy.

You will also be able to relate it to that of your own experience.

Because after all, the only way to actually experience the Earth Elemental energies is to experience them for yourself in a safe and healing way. So without further ado, here is the first exercise in researching nature spirits in myths.

Exercise One: Understanding the Earth Element Through Myths

Many of the ancient myths, legends, and tales hold within them the keys to understanding the mysteries of the universe, and the roles of those in the faerie realm in guarding those mysteries. Ancient mysteries were often veiled in tales to provide, for those willing to explore them, opportunities to discover them. The images and characters, although generally treated as fictional, often had a basis in reality.

Specific mythic characters can be used to understand the faerie realm, especially in relationship to the different elements. In their adventures mythic heroes (and heroins) often encountered beings and creatures that can be thought of as part of this magical realm. For example, the sirens encountered by Odysseus had the same enchanting power many water and wood nymphs had over humans in traditional faerie tales.

Many gods and goddesses of the earth have demonstrated characteristics and behaviors similar to beings of the faerie realm. An examination of them will provide clues to understanding the forces we are open to by touching this realm. Simply reading about them is a way of opening your perceptions and making yourself more receptive to the more ethereal realms. Some of the more common gods and goddesses associated with the element of earth are:

• Pluto/Hades (Greco-Roman): god of the underworld.
• Pan (Greek): god of nature.
• Graces (Greek): three sister goddesses who dispense charm and beauty.
• Muses (Greek): nine daughters of Mnemosyne and Zeus who each preside over a different art or science.
• Nu Kua (Chinese): goddess of creation.
• Demeter/Ceres (Greco-Roman): goddess of growth, grain, agriculture, fertility, and mothering.
• Dionysus/Bacchus (Greco-Roman): god of wine, merry making, theatre and ecstasy.
• Cerridwen (Celtic): goddess of enchantment.
• Geb (Egyptian): god of the earth.
• Gaea (Greek): goddess of the earth, Mother Earth.
• Rhea (Greek): great mountain mother.
• Mawu (African): goddess of creation.
• Changing Woman (Apache): goddess of the earth.

I would go further to add

• Izanagi (Japan): god of the earth.
• Izanami (Japan): goddess of the earth.
• Kaya nu Hima (Japan): goddess of herbs.
• Acan (Mayan): god of wine.
• Ah Uuc Ticab (Mayan): god of the earth.
• Ixchel (Mayan): goddess of the earth, midwifery and medicine.
• Toci Yoalticitl (Aztec): goddess of the earth, night, and sweat bath.
• Venus von Willendorf (Upper Paleolithic): mother goddess.
• Tellus or Terra Mater “Mother Earth” (Roman): was a goddess of the earth and agriculture.
• Durga (Hindi): goddess of empowering and protective nature of motherhood.
• Kali (Hindi): goddess of primordial energy as power of Time, literally, the “creator or doer of time, as well as death.
• Mula Prakriti (Hindi): goddess of birth and all living things, Mother Nature.
• Gaia (Pagan): goddess of the earth, and mother of all.
• Pachamama (South America Andes): goddess of the earth, all mother, fertility and earthquake goddess who presides over planting and harvesting.
  
• Spider Grandmother (Navajo/ Pueblo): goddess of the earth and stars.
• Anjea (Aboriginal): goddess or spirit of fertility
• Birrahgnooloo (Kamilaroi/Aboriginal): goddess of fertility
• Dilga (Karadjeri/Aboriginal): goddess of fertility and growth
• Julunggul (Yolgnu/Aboriginal): rainbow snake goddess associated with fertility, initiation, rebirth and the weather
• Kunapipi (Aboriginal): mother goddess and the patron deity of many heroes
• Ungud (Aboriginal): snake god or goddess associated with rainbows and the fertility and erections of the tribe’s shaman.
• Akna (Inuit): goddess of fertility and childbirth
• Pukkeenegak (Inuit): goddess of children, pregnancy, childbirth and the making of clothes.
• Atahensic (Iroquois): goddess associated with marriage, childbirth, and feminine endeavors.
• Kokopelli (Hopi): trickster god associated with fertility, childbirth and agriculture.

And there are countless others. Do a simple google search to see more about their stories and myths. If one pops out at you, take that as your intuition giving you a poke in the right direction. Never stop learning!

Namaste

Photos courtesy of: Free Fever, Moonxels, Creatività e Follia,  

Connecting to Elementals: Earth Spirits

Earth spirits can be called many things. As children, we knew them as gnomes, leprechauns, wood elves, which are all generic titles. But all of these conceptions should not be confused with our usual idea of what they look like especially in books, movies, or television. Their forms and shapes change and vary, but all are earthy in nature.

They are that unique feeling you get when you place your hand on a tree. They are that feeling when you walk into the woods for a hike. They are that inescapable feeling you get when you find an ancient stone structure, or simply the energy you feel when you hold a crystal in your hand. There are countless dimensions of intelligence working holistically together to create this reality.

Just because you cannot see them, does not mean that they do not exist. By opening up to the real, rational, logical and incredible possibility that these beings or if you feel better, these energies, exist; then your heart, mind, and spirit will be open to untold mystery, magic, and connection. Just like the force that keeps our atoms together, just as gravity keeps us from floating away, just as the sight of a waterfall inspires calm, just as the sun’s energy nourishes all life on earth, so too do the elementals. Call them what you like: forces of physics, angels, faeries, or pure energy forms; they exist all around us.

These “gnome” energies work and maintain the physical structure of earth on their own levels of consciousness. They help create the green things, the plants, flowers, and trees. They guard the treasures of the earth, and work with humans primarily through nature. They give each stone its own individuality- its own energy. They do this with every aspect of nature, thus every tree, rock, crystal, and flower has something to teach us.

They also work to maintain our physical bodies, our composition and assimilation of minerals, etc. Without these energies we would not function in the physical realm. They help us become aware of our physical senses and develop a reliance on them. Too little connection with our personal gnome and other earth elementals may make us feel “spaced out.” Too much connection with them will stimulate narrowness of vision. By attuning to our personal gnome and its energies more directly, we can develop determination and appreciation. We develop an openness to its influence that can assist us in becoming more spontaneously helpful and humble.

Nature spirits of the earth include beings other than just the elementals. It includes tree and wood elves, flower and field faeries, dwarfs who inhabit rocks and caves and mounds, and all of those of the faerie realm who live close to the earth. This includes leprechauns of Ireland; brownies of England; the kobuld of Germany; the nisse of Scandinavia; duendes in  Iberian, Latin American and Filipino folklore; the yōkai in Japan; or the Little People by Native Americans.

Stories vary but in spite of contradictions, there are certain qualities that are universally attributed to Earth Spirits by Ted Andrews:

1. They have a stunted nature.
2. They have a strong kinship with the earth.
3. They are often reclusive.
4. There are no women among them. Because of this, they often sculpt progeny from metal and stone, and often fall in love with mortal women. (I would go so far as to say that if they are heterosexual they’d go for the women or mortal men if they are homosexual. Although we are talking about energies here, where gender or orientation have no basis. Suffice it to say that most energy beings will take the form most appealing by the viewer. It really couldn’t care for them either way. )
5. They have a great understanding of the primal forces of the earth.
6. They are often master craftsmen.
7. They are masters of incantation.
8. They hoard great treasures.
9. They often provide mortals with assistance and gifts, both of which are usually touched with magic.
10. They are masters of the mundane elements.

The “gnomes” and “dwarfs” often took on the customs and appearances of their locale, which makes sense since their tales are not specific of one single area on earth, but throughout the world. The fertility of the land falls under their domain since they are Gaia’s guardians spirits. They resent not being asked when “humans want to make changes in an environment, and in their anger may exact some tough lessons on the humans involved.”

These beings and spirits of the earth, no matter where they manifest, are crucial to the evolution of humanity.

They maintain the earth and everything upon it so that we have a place to grow and evolve. They are here to assist us in our initiation into the earth element. Anything on earth implies form, shape, weight, and a material substance. The initiation of the earth involves learning how to free ourselves from those limitations. It implies learning all that we can about control of both our physical and our finer bodies of energy both visible and invisible matter.

They can teach us that matter is not lifeless, and to be practical builders in life. To make things grow properly and in balance. They can teach us about our “feminine” aspects and how we are connected to the earth through the things growing upon and within it, just as a child developing in the womb is connected to its mother through an umbilical cord. They teach us to place people before things. They teach us practicality and caution; the proper expression of ambition, and how the proper form of it can be a dynamic force in the universe.

There are countless benefits to learning to connect with the spirits of the Earth.

1. We develop greater circumspection.
2. We awaken determination to succeed, along with various means to do so.
3. They help open opportunities for success.
4. They help us to balance greed and manipulation.
5. They can help us to overcome coarse and base expressions of life.
6. They assist us in our timing, helping to bring us back within nature’s rhythms where everything can work more easily.
7. They can reveal the treasures of the earth.
8. They can restore joy in the experience of mundane activities.
9. They hold knowledge of using the earth’s resources to cure diseases and to instill prosperity. (Responsibly.)
10. They awaken a renewed reverence for all expressions of life.
11. They can teach us how to control and use the earth’s forces (for good without destroying it).
12. They can help us in tapping and using the forces inherent in the human body.
13. They hold the keys to magic.
14. They stimulate artistic energies and craftsmanship.
15. They can teach us to overcome the influences of time.

So, get out there! Discover! Hug a tree’s spirit, and see if you can feel what I have written about here today.

If you are nervous and would like a guided meditation, I will be posting one soon by Ted Andrews. Good luck! And have fun! See what you can discover on your own first!

Namaste

REFERENCE: Enchantment of the Faerie Realm: Communicate with Nature Spirits and Elementals by Ted Andrews

“Blessing of the Old One” by Joanna Powell Colbert

Photo courtesy of Joanna Powell Colbert. Check out her website& blog gaiansoul.com!

May the blessing of the Old One be upon you.
May you see far into the black night with keen owl eyes.
May you pad quietly through the shadowed wood, wolfhound at your side.
May you wrap the starry night around you like a cloak.
May you breathe in pain and breathe out compassion.
May you know the comfort of silence and the grace of your own company.

I bless you with a broken heart that is stitched together,
torn and unravelled, then mended once again.
I bless you with a scar on your breast
and a tattoo of green vines to encircle your heart.
I bless you with the strength to bear that which is unbearable.

I am the Old Woman.
I know how the story ends.

Go now, keep to the winding path of your life, and remember me.
At the dark of every moon, remember me.
At the crossroads of every life decision, remember me.
When you light candles for the ancestors on All Hallows Eve, remember me.
When you enter the Underworld of loss and despair, remember me.
When you abide in the tomb of darkness and the womb of awakening, remember me.

Today, tonight, and forevermore.

~~~

(From her work-in-progress, Shapeshifter: Wheel of a Woman’s Life.  ©2013 Joanna Powell Colbert.)

Ron Finley: A guerilla gardener in South Central LA

From the TED Plantastic! Playlist. Green, leafy, often delicious: Plants are all around us and make the ecosystem work. Hear from gardeners, vegetarians, designers and conservationists on the wonderful world of plants and vegetables.

The Dark Night of the Soul

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” ~ Carl Gustav Jung

“It is precisely because we resist the darkness in ourselves that we miss the depths of the loveliness, beauty, brilliance, creativity, and joy that lie at our core.”~ Thomas Moore, Dark Nights of the Soul.

The season of Hallowmas, as I have said in my earlier posts, pushes us to not only honour our Ancestor’s spirits, but also the spirit of our own self.

Spiritual depression, or the Dark Night of the Soul, is a very troubling topic for discussion.

Everyone has their own take on it, but there is a similarity amongst each experience. The Dark Night is so much more than mere depression. It is crippling, exhaustive and can even be down right dangerous as one’s limits are pushed seemingly way past one’s limit’s own limits.  Even though it seems painful to face this pain, and face these fears bubbling to the surface, you should feel empowered as well as afraid. This is your chance, your moment, to right wrongs, mend wounds, work past traumas, and regain parts of yourself that were once lost or hiding in the dark.

It is a time to extend your hand to that sobbing young child alone and afraid in the wet darkness of your deepest recesses.

It is a time to show understanding, humbility, and love to that part of yourself you have kept hidden.

The Dark Night of the Soul is a honored path of many cultures that has a long tradition spanning eons through all levels of civilization rise, fall and rebirth. It mirrors the great wild fires of the west that ravage the landscape to only make way for spring’s new seedlings.

For whatever reason, if you are experiencing a Dark Night, you are in a position right NOW where it is inevitable to heal your pain, suffering, and feelings of separation from source.  Some believe that this pain you feel is not only a personal pain, even though it definitely feels like it!  Others also claim that our ego selves do not really exist, that this pain is only a feeling we attach stories to.  That this pain you feel is collective and felt through-out the world.

Ego has its place in our lives for survival and what have you, but sometimes that ego likes to play games. It likes to play “devil’s advocate” with the paths that we have chosen for ourselves to test ourselves and maximize our spiritual evolution for this lifetime. I feel that to an extent this is right, because many of us, believe it or not, feed on this pain and suffering which are just cycles of continued circles of misdirected fear. Cycles that the ego makes very hard to break. Because we have been taught that with pain comes comfort, but not from ourselves: from others. As Healers we need to be very weary of these cyclic psychic vampires who may not even realize who or what they are: trapped souls in an endless pattern of self-sabotage. As Healers we must yes be true to our vows of hospitality and compassion, however not so at our own risk. It is a challenge for everyone, and as Healers we have probably already gone through one or more Dark Nights ourselves. It gives us insight, and also teaches us valuable lessons as the scales of karma are balanced.

To explain further, when you are in a Dark Night, you feel as if you are in a depression.  This though is way different from clinical depression because the symptoms are not always due to one certain external situation or one single life time.  You are not depressed because of someone or something, quite so literally, it just naturally emerges.  Sometimes, you can feel miserable to say the least and you don’t even know why.  You may try everything to break yourself out of it and NOTHING works.  The more you try to get out of the Dark Night, the more it will persist.

All types of emotions you have tried to suppress for so long,  haunt you day in and day out: guilt, shame, frustration, helplessness, anger, sadness, self-pity, loneliness.  These emotions are trying to get your attention, but we keep ignoring and resisting them.  Think of these emotions as a child that only wants your love.  They are trying to get your attention until you finally face them and accept them for what they are: emotions. Memories.  They are not YOUR emotions, they are just feelings in the body that we tie a story to.

During the Dark Night you feel totally alone.  You don’t know many, if any, people that have gone through this or are currently going through it.  You don’t feel like being bothered with loved ones and friends that don’t understand because they either think you are crazy and need help or their own fears arise about it and make matters even worse.   If you could snap out of it you would, but you barely have any energy or even many interests anymore.  All your energy is going to the ego through resisting the inevitable or trying to protect the false self from getting rid of the things that don’t serve you anymore.

Here is a very well written article by Jeannie Zandi on the Dark Night. It may ring true to your ears or to a loved one’s if they are going through or have in the past.

Good luck my dears. Take heart, and remember:

You ARE strong enough. You ARE brave enough. You DO have what it takes to see yourself through this darkness and emerge as a beautifully mature butterfly of spirit. 

Namaste.

Many of us hit circumstances in our lives where things go dark.  This can be brought on by particular circumstances that thwart our personal will and resources, or can seem to appear through no external cause whatsoever.  The dark can last for months or years.  The dark can be about shedding some small aspect of one’s personality or mask that one no longer needs, or it can be about shedding the personality or mask altogether.

Suddenly life energy and positivity drains out of even the activities and things that used to bring us the most joy.  Our positive qualities can be eclipsed and the gnarliest of shadow material can come and take us over.  I write here to tell you: take heart.  Once you address any physical/health issues (and certainly many dark sojourns are accompanied by these), it’s time simply to hang out and find what comfort you can while the Holy removes a big ol’ sliver from your foot.  My daughter screams and cries when that happens, and she can see it’s her loving mama who is doing the job.  When the Holy goes for your sliver full-tilt, it is done in the dark, in silence, and you cannot see the face of that which stalks you.

It doesn’t help that most of those around you will not understand what’s going on, and few will be able to be with you in a useful way.  In ancient days or current dark-friendly cultures, you would be taken by the shaman to the far reaches of the village, somewhere safe and apart, perhaps a cave, where you would be fed, kept warm, protected, prayed over and guarded from the community as you descended into the dark, without the constant pull of everyday concerns and regular contact with those wishing you would return to your “normal” self.  And if the shaman said anything, she would have said something like, “I know sweetheart, you cry it out, you howl your agony, you are dying, and it stinks, and I know just the road you are traveling on, and it’s a good solid road.  It just sucks right now.”

Forget normal.  It’s too late.  You are being recruited by Love and any thought of normalcy will only be a further abuse to yourself.  You are disintegrating.  From the perspective of the culture and all of us being like well-mown grass, all the same, and all doing it according to the program, you stand out like a sore thumb.  You are plain ol’ weird!  You just fell off the train and can’t figure out how to get back on again.

You are not alone, and the Holy knows what it’s doing.  There is really not a perfectly graceful way to make it through — a dark night experience is messy.  As my friend Kim said to me, “If you have a nice spiritual perspective in a dark night of the soul, it’s not a dark night of the soul.”  All that is required of you is that you live through it.

From Lacy Enderson’s “How Does a Caterpillar Change into a Butterfly?” at www.ehow.com:

“Inside the cocoon the caterpillar changes into a pupa. …the caterpillar digests itself from the inside out, causing its body to die. During this partial death, some of the caterpillar’s old tissues are salvaged to form new. This remnant of cells… are used to create a new body. Using its digestive juices, the caterpillar turns his old larval body into food which he uses to rebuild its new body.”

You are a caterpillar turning to liquid on her way to butterfly-hood.  You are an ugly duckling, about to realize she is a swan.  You will not believe these words, but nevertheless may you at least consider considering that they might be true.  All is not lost.

This page is dedicated to those who find themselves with nowhere to turn — between a rock and a hard place — as an offering from one who journeyed through the dark desperately seeking a way to make sense of what was happening.  Poems and books that were helpful to me will be included here.  Suggestions for additions (particular books, tapes, poems, whatever) are encouraged – please send those toinfo@jeanniezandi.com for consideration.

In nature, there is a beautiful cycle, as a seed rests in the dark, then slowly pushes it’s green head up through the dark earth toward the sunlight.  Growing, growing it becomes a shoot, now a young plant, now a mature plant.  It flowers, bears fruit.  And then, the fruit falls, or rots.  The leaves fall to the ground.  A bare stalk is seen against the sky, and then even the stalk falls toward the ground, and everything is rotting and composting and returning to the soil.  Between the rotting and the green head pushing up, there is a period of time where nothing appears to be happening, and yet, in the dark, in the invisible, plenty is.

Here is T.S. Elliot’s experience of it.

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope,

for hope would be hope for the wrong thing.

And wait without love. For love would be love,

of the wrong thing.

Yet there is faith.

But the faith and the hope and the love, are all in the waiting.

And the darkness shall be the light

and the stillness the dancing.

Our culture loves the flower, loves the fruit, even has tolerance for a promising young shoot.  But rotting?  Darkness?  Seed beneath the ground!?  Come on, sweetheart, get a life, right?  If a woman didn’t have a pregnant body to show for the amazing happenings in the dark, we’d likely scoff until the baby poked its head out.  And yet, our human seasons of dark, where we submit to the void, where we allow ourselves to be taken by the holy unknown, are not part of what is revered in our culture.  Sickness, old age, death, or even having too long a gap in a conversation brings up the fear of the unknown that most carry within.  That fear is projected on us as we try and communicate and reach for those around us who are completely stymied by our descent from shining rosy flower to rotting I-don’t-knowers.  Those who have not traveled this path will find your travels strange at best, terrifying at worst.  They will try and cheer you up, give you lots of suggestions, tell you to get a life (usually in well-meaning ways), get sick of you, or send you to a doctor.

Some of the hard-won and simple things that were useful to me were: 1) friends who didn’t need to fix me and had room to simply listen to the depths of my agony without leaving, judging, or freaking (I had two of them, you know who you are, thank you very much); 2) hot water of any sort (hot springs, baths, etc.) 3) darkness 4) sinking my attention into simple things like fluttering leaves or rippling water 5) lying on the earth 6) attending meetings (such as satsang), reading poetry or books or listening to tapes that gave me any sort of hint that someone else had gone through what I was experiencing, and that it might be alright to just let it take its course.  It still was a nightmare (and then afterward a long, wearing down trek), but these things helped.

Rainer Maria Rilke was a poet who kept me company — a true champion of the dark.  Here is his description (from Robert Bly’s translation, Selected Poems of Rainer Maria Rilke) of the rock and a hard place aspect of the dark night, as he calls on the Holy to help him out.

It’s possible I am pushing through solid rock
in flintlike layers, as the ore lies, alone.
I am such a long way in I see no way through,
and no space; everything is close to my face,
and everything close to my face is stone.

I don’t have much knowledge yet in grief–
so this massive darkness makes me small.
You be the master: make yourself fierce, break in:

then your great transformating will happen to me,

and my great grief cry will happen to you.

There was nothing that at the time felt redeemable about the years I spent in deep angst and suffering.  Every possible attempt was made by my mind to understand what was happening in an effort to solve it, but the mind spectacularly failed.  It seemed there was nothing I could do to alleviate the tremendous anxiety in my body, the way the world looked like Hades, or the way that I had gone from a giving, highly functioning woman, friend and lover to a dark-filled desperado.

One of the most challenging parts of the experience is that the alchemical process of dissolution forces one’s shadow to the fore.  For me, gone was the woman full of generosity and energy for others, gone was any sense of humor (except later a defeated gallows sort), gone was the light, the bright, the perky.  Anyone who implied that I should move in that direction I felt like growling at, or maybe biting, or maybe even tearing the flesh off their bones and having them for dinner.  Did they think I hadn’t already considered that 10,000 times?  Did they think that if I could raise my miserable bones out of the swamp to perk that I would?  I was already miserable at my plight and reminders that I might not be trying hard enough while giving it everything that I had were maddening.

This part of the process is humbling to say the least – that despite one’s best efforts, one is dark and not that fun to be around, irritable and nasty.  Of course we must do our best to not make our misery about anyone else nor dump venom on the innocent sweeties that surround us, but know this:  this is simply a feature of the grinding.  All of your energy is in the basement with the Mad Scientist who is working to disassemble you.  Give yourself a break and require less of yourself.  Find solitude and those who need nothing from you as best you can.

Anne Sexton says it like it is in this poem.

   Her Kind

I have gone out, a possessed witch,
haunting the black air, braver at night;
dreaming evil, I have done my hitch
over the plain house, light by light:
lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.
A woman like that is not a woman, quite.
I have been her kind.

I have found the warm caves in the woods,
filled them with skillets, carvings, shelves,
closets, silks, innumerable goods;
fixed the suppers for the worms and the elves:
whining, rearranging the disaligned.
A woman like that is misunderstood.
I have been her kind.

I have ridden in your cart, driver,
waved my nude arms at villages going by,
learning the last bright routes, survivor
where your flames still bite my thigh
and my ribs crack where your wheels wind.
A woman like that is not ashamed to die.
I have been her kind.

Rilke’s poem “The Man Watching” (from the same Robert Bly translation) was comforting – to see that someone else had been wrestling with his angel, as Rilke put it, and that there was something deeper that might be going on besides my failure to master the situation with my strategies.

The Man Watching

I can tell by the way the trees beat, after
so many dull days, on my worried windowpanes
that a storm is coming,
and I hear the far-off fields say things
I can’t bear without a friend,
I can’t love without a sister.

The storm, the shifter of shapes, drives on
across the woods and across time,
and the world looks as if it had no age:
the landscape, like a line in the psalm book,
is seriousness and weight and eternity.

What we choose to fight is so tiny!
What fights with us is so great!
If only we would let ourselves be dominated
as things do by some immense storm,
we would become strong too, and not need names.

When we win it’s with small things,
and the triumph itself makes us small.
What is extraordinary and eternal
does not want to be bent by us.

I mean the Angel who appeared
to the wrestlers of the Old Testament:
when the wrestlers’ sinews
grew long like metal strings,
he felt them under his fingers
like chords of deep music.

Whoever was beaten by this Angel
(who often simply declined the fight)
went away proud and strengthened
and great from that harsh hand,
that kneaded him as if to change his shape.

Winning does not tempt that man.
This is how he grows: by being defeated, decisively,
by constantly greater beings.

At first I searched for the mistakes I had made that perhaps led to my predicament.  I went over and over the months leading up to my descent.  I analyzed old journals, my mind dashing about like Gollum in search of his precious lost ring.  I consulted doctors and web sites and herb store owners about depression and pregnancy, then post-partum depression, then nursing hormones.  I read the DSM V to see if I could diagnose myself with a mental illness.  When I came up with nothing (no problem, therefore no solution), I simply searched for anyone who could normalize or bless the wretched experience I was having, looking for any news that conveyed to me that this wasn’t all about my failure at doing something right, that this wasn’t about the Holy punishing me for being bad in some way.  Rumi was another pal during this time, and his use of words like “devastation” comforted me, since it told me that he was no stranger to the experience I was having.

The way of love is not a subtle argument.
The door there is devastation.
Birds make great sky-circles of their freedom.
How do they learn it?
They fall, and falling, they’re given wings.

I was lucky enough to be in a sacred poetry class with Mirabai Starr at the time, and got my hands on the pre-published manuscript of her translation of St. John of the Cross’ Dark Night of the Soul.  When I read it, there was no way I thought of myself as someone holy enough to categorize myself with St. John; nevertheless St. John’s words echoed my own experience and again helped to invite me to consider that something beautiful and spiritually necessary was happening to me, though I could only distantly consider it from my wretched agonized world.  (See Mirabai’s website – her book is available on Amazon.)

The dark night of the soul is a cleansing, a purification, a burning.  At some point, whether consciously or unconsciously, your soul said a dangerous prayer.  Some pray, “Make me only love.”  Some say, “All I want is God.”  Mine was “Give me nothing that I want.”  And then when the burning shows up, we have second thoughts, we do not recognize it as an answer to that prayer.  However, it is this burning that leaves us clean vessels for the Holy to move in and set up housekeeping.  I like to say that She’s going to completely redecorate.  Like Rilke, Rumi celebrates those who long for and understand the beauty of this burning in this poem.

The Truth stands before me,

On my left is a blazing fire, and

On my right, a cool flowing stream.

One group of people walk toward the fire, into the fire,

And the other towards the cool flowing waters.

No one knows which is blessed and which is not.

But just as someone enters the fire,

That head bobs up from the water,

And just as a head sinks into the water,

That face appears in the fire.

Those who love the sweet water of pleasure

And make it their devotion are cheated by this reversal.

The deception goes further-

The voice of the fire says:

“I am not fire, I am fountainhead,

Come into me and don’t mind the sparks.”

David Whyte has some beautiful poems that reflect his own experience of the rotting and composting separate self.  Particularly useful was his tape called “Poetry and Self Compassion” – see David’s web site for availability.

In the dark, we can feel profoundly lost — as though the place that we called our own is dissolving and there is nothing ahead.  We drop deeply into the gap of the unknown and cook there, without reference points to tell us that where we are is anything but lost.  Wendell Berry sees this not knowing as perhaps the beginning of our true work and real journey:

It may be when we no

longer know what to do,

we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go,

we have begun our real journey.

David Wagoner’s translation of an old Native American elder’s story gives some great guidance about being lost, and standing still just here, now, giving up trying to solve the dilemma with your mind, letting the Holy carry you on its back.

Lost

Stand still.
The trees ahead and the bushes beside you Are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you,
If you leave it you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still.

The forest knows Where you are.
You must let it find you.

When the former identifications are dissolving, and all that is old, obsolete or false is leaving you, it can be difficult to find guidance for living in a true way.  Many times the dark will not allow you to do things the old ways — they start to feel dead, they make you sick, they make you anxious, they hurt.  And yet, what now?  Mary Oliver offers some clues in this poem (from Dream Work), turning away from being “good” and into what the “soft animal of your body” loves.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

And another clue from Rumi about how to move in this emptying out place:

Today like every other day
We wake up empty and scared
Don’t open the door of your study
And begin reading.

Take down a musical instrument
let the beauty we love be what we do
There are hundreds of way to kneel
And kiss the earth.

More advice from Wendell Berry:

   Poem

Willing to die,
You give up
your will. Keep still
until, moved
by what moves
all else, you move.
If you feel that you are experiencing a grinding down like that described here, you  may be interested in occasional conference calls that Jeannie has on the topic.  Please email info@jeanniezandi.com to inquire about these.

As well, you may be interested Jeannie’s article, Dark Night the Breakdown of the Mythology of Me, in the Undivided Journal (Online Journal of Nonduality and Psychology).

Jeannie’s work embraces this experience of grinding down, so please inquire about attending an event if you can get to one – see the Schedule page. Bless your heart. If this material was useful to you and you are able, please donate to support Jeannie to write a dark night survival guide for folks who might benefit.

Green Burials

This time of year pushes us, no matter our age, to think about some pretty heavy things.

The season of the Ancestors has us reflecting and meditating on our family’s past, the memories and stories of our Beloved Dead, how they lived and ultimately how they died.

This gives us pause to also reflect upon our own life and ultimately, yes, our own deaths.

Last year, I dedicated a whole moon cycle mediating on death in all of its aspects.

I reflected upon the choices I have made, both the good ones and the bad ones, and no I did not start digging up graves or wear black for an entire month.

I don’t look at death as something to fear, and devote much of my time as a shaman delving into those yes dark and cold places from time to time, but I do not equate them to something that should be feared, simply respected and honoured. Which led me down a path of how I would like my funeral to play out. What sort of burial, what food, what music, what I wanted people to say… it went on and on. I read countless articles about preparing a living will, set up my own healthcare proxy, as well as discussing with my loved ones what I wanted. I may be young, but death could happen at any time rather unexpectedly so it is vital as well as healthy to discuss these matters with your loved ones so they are not so shocked and feel more at peace when it is time for your passing. It won’t make it any easier, but it helps.

When my grandfather died a few years ago, I was one of the pallbearers.

I was completely offended of the way his body was treated after the Church service. Since it was mid-winter, not enough time or money was invested in simply digging his plot because the ground was too hard. And now, even though I do understand permafrost, it pains me deeply that his casket was simply just put in a storage “tomb” where others were placed and crowded much like books tossed on a shelf. It lacked compassion and reverence for the Beloved Dead that were there as well as my grandfather and I vowed that I would never allow this to happen to any other member of my family.

Below, is an article by Nora Cedarwind Young ~ Death Midwife, Hospice Chaplain, Ceremonialist and Green Burial Educator. She lives and works in the greater Seattle area, and teaches workshops throughout the country. She creates and facilitates ceremonies for all of life’s passages, from birth through the grave; but her heart truly lies in end-of-life work. Her belief system, (much like my own) is deeply grounded in the seasons and cycles of nature, which has taught her that death is as certain and sacred as birth. She envisions individuals and families fearlessly facing death, feeling free to extend this “time out of time” with a loved one, and knowing who to call for support.

I hope you enjoy this article as you ponder your own “time out of time.”

Namaste.

Green means choices!

Anything and everything you need to know about Green Burials can be found on the Natural Burial Company’s website. They offer every imaginable resource for every kind of green burial option you might consider. This site is a must-read. It has so much valuable information, plan to snuggle in and become informed!

The Green Burial Movement is stirring in this country. Consumers are choosing green for our final act and to help the planet. The goal is what we have practiced for centuries, to allow the body at death to rejoin the elements that gave it birth, to use what remains of a life to regenerate a new life.

Until the modern era, our formaldehyde-free bodies were laid in the ground, serving as nutrition to the earth. Embalming, often unnecessary, and not required in any state under most circumstances, metal or hardwood caskets and steel reinforced concrete grave liners are options people are choosing to go without. Ask yourself; is it necessary to place your casket into a concrete and steel reinforced lined grave, simply for easy maintenance?

Today, the United Kingdom and Australia together host over 200 natural burial locations; in the US we have twenty. Every year in the United States 22,500 cemeteries bury:

• 827,060 gallons of embalming fluid (including formaldehyde)
• 104,272 tons of steel for caskets and vaults, enough to build another Golden Gate Bridge!
• 2,700 tons of copper and bronze for more caskets
• 30 plus million board feet of hardwoods
• 180,544,000 pounds of steel, in caskets
• 5,400,000 pounds of copper and bronze in caskets
• 30 million board feet of hardwoods, including exotic woods, in caskets
• 3,272,000,000 pounds of reinforced concrete vaults
• 28,000,000 pounds of steel in vaults
• 1,636,000 tons of concrete . . .

For a Natural Burial you can choose all or any part of the following:

• A clean, unembalmed body
• A biodegradable container such as a plain pine box or natural fiber shroud.
• A vault free grave.

Some providers have restrictions such as no synthetic materials, jewelry or buttons. Some allow headstones; others reveal no trace a burial site exists. Global Positioning Satellites can allow us to have marker free graves, and yet to be able to precisely locate and visit our loved ones. Even if you are buried in a conventional cemetery and choose any part of natural burial, you lessen the ecological footprint for the planet.

• Avoid synthetic and non-natural materials in your container and clothing
• Choose biodegradable or recycled materials, wicker, sea grass and woods like pine for caskets
• Choose non-virgin, organic materials and sustainable production, supporting local family business, handcrafting, and artisans.
• Support burial goods with organic, fair trade, and eco-certifications.
• Talk to your local cemetery provider; tell them you want Green and Natural Burial options.

Conservation Burial is a movement to protect and re-nourish land held in perpetual endowment across the country. Imagine, 20 acres of open space and natural habitat can facilitate 8,000 bodies. Earth to earth, we can heal the planet and make a greener choice in our final act. Choosing natural burial is a way of working together and embracing the transformation of an industry and the reclamation of a lost, practical and ancient practice. Returning our bodies to nature after we die honors the Earth, the deceased and the families and friends that love them both.

In Washington State, we are fortunate to have two options for Green Burial. Other community resources are considering this change, so let them know you want Green Burial available in your community. Kudos to both Moles Funeral Home in Ferndale who have dedicated four acres for Natural Burial called The Meadow. White Eagle Preserve in Goldendale is a perfect model for Conservation Burial. www.molesfuneralhome.com andwww.naturalburialground.com

About Biodegradable Coffins

Biodegradable coffins, also known as green caskets, come in a multitude of styles and materials. They were designed to satisfy the growing number of individuals who prefer to have a “natural burial” instead of a traditional funeral. Cremation was long thought to be an eco-friendly option, but many people have been raising concerns about its excessive use of fossil fuels.

Biodegradable caskets can be made to bury someone in the ground or at sea. They will not harm the environment and budget-wise, they are a very cost-efficient burial option. These coffins do not use a vault — cement or otherwise — and everything, including the hardware and lining, is completely natural.

Biodegradable coffins can be made from:

• Cardboard
• Biodegradable plastic
• Fair-trade-certified bamboo
• Wood
• Recycled paper
• Formaldehyde-free plywood
• Hand-woven willow or wicker

Build Your Own Casket!

There are many resources for making your own coffin. You can even have a coffin that doubles as a bookshelf or an entertainment center until you are ready to use it!

Check out the wood beauties here or here to see just how easy and beautiful creating your own casket can be. The directions in the Mother Earth News article are not quite as green as I would like to see, so consider pine as your wood of choice instead of hardwoods. Try to avoid plywood due to the glues. However, no matter which wood you choose, the fact you are making your own casket speaks volumes and can create comfort and healing.

The Green Burial Council offers models for conservation, green burials and education, information and experience, all rooted in transparency, accountability and ecological responsibility. Check out the work they are doing.

Photos courtesy of Greensprings Natural Cemetery Preserve.